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News Headlines?

1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2..00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? (My sentiments exactly) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 5. There are three religious truths: a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith. c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~! *~*~*~* 9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 12 If lawyers are disbarre! d and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 15. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me .....they're cramming for their final exam. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 19 If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 22. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Finally. As income tax time approaches, did you ever noti! ce: When you put the two words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "THEIRS"?

Public Comments

  1. lmao those are cool!!!! thanks for posting.
  2. the point being?
  3. what is ur point but thank for the 2 points
  4. very good...especially the one about the swimming pool
  5. good one, lol.
  6. Brilliant!
  7. Thanks for the chuckles. Now, how are you going to choose a best answer?
  8. el o el
  9. 1.Yeah...truly NAIVE. 2. You're right. Coz it POLLUTES the ENVIRONMENT, if you get what i mean. 3.Straight answer: Tits. 4.No, probably the diarrhea just havent affected the person yet. 5.Well, those religious truths, although false to other religions, must be considered with utmost respect. 6.Its what you call, the "Mystery in the English Language" 7.Infants' minds are not yet fully developed. They do not know what those actions are yet. 8.A pig could lose its voice if the butcher keeps on threatening her to become porkchop. Hehehe... 9.Mystery.... 10.Another one of the "Mystery in the English Language" 11.Still...a mystery in English. 12.Haha...cool joke. 13.I didn't get that. 14.The Gen. Manager would KILL them if they would. Unless they would propose a Lipton Coffee. Hehe... 15. Transparent. 16.A clear explanation of "Its God's decision if he would pass me or not." Hehe... or..."God sees me reading the bible! I'm sure he'll reward me of passing the exam!" 17.Eeewww...I think another idea of that came into my mind...You mean, they breastfeed their babies using toothpicks?!? 18.Maybe, the criminals need your attention of mercy upon them. If you get what i mean. 19.In short, we help each other.Coz they only keep helping others and others help others. 20.Haha... 21.Jeez...well that sure would strike the earth for sure...Or might even come up on the other side of the earth. :( 22.Dunno... 23. Maybe, mere coincidence. Because the IRS has its own meaning in its acronym.
  10. that was funny where did you get that.that really made me think more!thanks for the laughs alsp.did you come up with this ur self?if u didnt thencan you please tell me where you got these!please?my teacher likes to here things like that so i would just like to know where i can find taht where u got it???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  11. really cool headlines
  12. hahaha those are fricken hilarious...idk what all those idiots think when they say theyre pointless...i think theyre funny!!
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